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Back online, though the quality can not be guaranteed yet, it may start out as random ramblings until I get a system up again.

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25 September 2009

I gotta brand new boyfriend

Well, by the time I'm typing this up, not all that true, but at the time I wrote this, which was September 25th, this statement was very true. And so, the old entry newly typed:

I am walking on air, I can't believe that he wants to be "official". I never expected it to happen. I went in with the understanding that we would comfort each other and give companionship and then something better would come along and he would be gone. Yea, that's my self-esteem talking and even now I'm not sure if this is going to last. I just don't see myself being his type. I know one day he will either get tired of me or find an amazingly beautiful woman that he will want to spend the rest of his life with and I will be an after thought. That doesn't matter to me, I'm happy now. I can't believe that there is a man out there who would even remotely be interested in me, even if it is simply physical / lustful urges. I hope though, that no matter what, we can stay friends even after he leaves. Not to sound pessimistic but in the end, everyone leaves. That's just the way of life. It is good to know that someone, somewhere out there actually thinks I'm pretty enough to be seen in public with me as my boyfriend. I expected to always be alone and I know that when this is over I will go back to being alone but I will ride this as far as it will go. I now know a small taste of what it is like to be happy and to feel like I may actually be worth something. There may be a reason for my existence. I know that's bad but I don't always feel positive when it comes to that. A lot of times I feel like somehow a mistake slipped through the cracks of God's floor, but it's a little different now. I just feel like that song, except for the fact that I wasn't dumped by a previous boyfriend but I was depressed and then, "I gotta brand new boyfriend..." and things seem to be looking up...

(So as of now, December, I don't feel the same. My view on life is not quite so depressing and that's good.)

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