Cool Fact Monday
Spiritual Content Tuesday
Update Wednesday
Future Thursday
Ask Me Friday
Story Saturday and Sunday

Back online, though the quality can not be guaranteed yet, it may start out as random ramblings until I get a system up again.

questions, comments, ridicule, arguments, ideas and love can all be sent to:

23 June 2010

World Record

I never thought I would ever beat a world record for anything. I know the paperwork is still going through but it looks like I may make it. I will have been a part of the 2,645 people gathered together at the pirates festival dressed like a pirate. If all the paperwork passes, we will have beaten both Oregon and the UK for the "Largest Gathering Of Pirates".

There were tv cameras, photographers and all kinds of stuff. A picture in the paper on Sunday morning, though I didn't make it in that one. Looks like only a few hundred or so were in the shot on the front page. There was singing and yelling and pretend drunkenness, sexy women holding up signs and a drawing for free prizes. The main prize, a trip for two on a boat with dinner, a scenery, and a private pirate band. Now that would have been beautiful and fun. They also gave away a medallion, a metal skull wall hang, a fuzzy tail and a bottle to carry your "rum" or any other drink.

Captain Jack Spareribs was there as well. He did a magic trick to stuff a beautiful lady in a basket. He then lit it on fire. Roasted marshmallows and jumped on the ashes. She, of course, appeared perfectly unharmed out of the basket.

The rest of the festival was enjoyable to walk around, look at things, play a game of "jenga" which is actually called Bandu. It is played with "LARGE" wood, which all the ladies prefer to the smaller wood of jenga. I am still the champion and I played with a few other people, though one drunken pirate was not a surprise that he lost.

There was an amazing metal dragon that I would have hung up in my room if I'd had the money. Although, if I'd had that kind of money I may have bought the sword instead. Or I would have bought this handmade pirate game or the dragon coasters or the dragon stand and letter opener, or the corset, or even the entire green and white outfit that was sooooo gorgeous. Okay, okay, I get the point. I don't enjoy window shopping and get very board, unless it's at a festival. I love talking to people about their wares, especially if they are the artist or creator of those wares and not simply selling something manufactured.

All in all, it was an eventful and memorable day. I even have a t-shirt on the way to say that I was a part of the guiness book of world record gathering of pirates for 2010. That comes after the paperwork is all done to prove it, in about 10 days.

02 June 2010

Pains, Sores and Epidemics

I thought this post would be about Fanime Con, but it looks like that will have to be next time's post. Over the weekend something serious happened, actually a couple of serious things. I'm not going to go over detail and personal.

First: I can blame the shoes. I can blame my foot condition. I can blame being on my feet all day 5 days a week and then for an entire weekend. I can blame the amazing weapons classes I took at the convention (you'll have to wait for the fanime post to learn more about that one.) Whatever the case may be, my foot got beyond sore to the point of limping and moving like a zombie. I became the living dead, unable to move faster than a snails pace as all my friends passed me up to go here there and everywhere. Well, everyone except Steve, who was gentleman enough to hang out at my slow pace. This led me to realize that the shoes I have been wearing for the past couple months have been ruining my feet. Sure there may have been other factors, but I choose to blame the shoes. I have now bought a new pair of shoes that, even with my repairing feet, are comfortable and cause me to no longer limp everywhere I go. The only down side is that to be so comfortable, they make my feet look HUGE. ARGH!!!! I can't win!!! But hey, it's better to take care of your feet than to worry about looks. right???

Second: I contracted some type of throat infection. I don't know when or how I got it. There was nothing I did to get me sick. No one I hung out with or had close contact with. I wasn't out in the cold, wet and late at night. But, for some strange reason, possibly divine, my throat began to hurt. It started as a sore throat that came and went. I thought nothing of it. Simply took the usual precautions to prevent getting sick. The next day, about halfway through the day I was so wiped out and exhausted and my throat hurt so bad that I took a 4 hour nap. The day after that my throat was on fire. I was only able to eat half of my breakfast burrito, and that was because I made myself. All I wanted to do was sleep. Drinking water was even a chore. When I got home I laid down. Then got talked into hanging out for a bit at a friends house, which was way fun. I got a massage that alleviated my migraine for about 10 minutes and I got to enjoy a really good movie. We hung out for a bit after and it wasn't until I couldn't bear the pain any longer that I realized I had to leave. At home, my mom looked at my throat and gasped saying I needed to see a doctor and I probably had tonsillitis or something worse. Even though I now have medical, it's crappy and super expensive so I'd rather not use it unless I absolutely have to. I figured I'd wait it out a couple days. I took knock out medacine and slept for 4 hours and took knock out med's again to sleep another 4 hours. Then yesterday I received a priesthood blessing of faith, healing and guidance; through a couple Elders in my church. At the time I was beyond tears. I have a high tolerance for pain and I was crying like a baby wanting to die if it could only stop the pain. There was a wall of white cotton all over my tonsils, and back of my throat. It was red, pussy and super gross. After the blessing, it was amazing that I could talk again. I went home, thanked the Lord, read from His book and went to sleep. Half way through today I made a miraculous recovery. Now all I have is a simple sore throat.

The Lord works in mysterious ways. I know the Lord was telling me something with this and that it wasn't just an ordinary illness. I only hope that by now I have learned my lesson. I'd hate to see what new epidemic he'll come up with next.

01 June 2010


So, now that I'm finally better, for the most part, I'm back to blogging. That whole throat infection thing is still going on. When I do or think things I shouldn't it seems to flare up, and also in the early morning. Otherwise it lies dormant. Sheesh.

But, now I up to snuff enough to get back to blogging. Fanime was so much fun. I spent the weekend hanging with my my sis, her fiance and our mutual friend Steve. I learned how to fight with a long sword, bastard sword, at least 4 different forms of dagger fighting and archery. Although I didn't get to actually practice the archery since they didn't have a permit or insurance for that. I also took a women's self defense class.

In the market place I bought some nice chopsticks. Steve bought me a fanime t-shirt and a cookbook for my bento box. I hope to have the time to start cooking myself some cool lunches soon.

On Sunday it was super hot. Steve and I had some free time so we went out in search of a 7/11 type place that would have a "big gulp" type drink. We walked all over the place. Asked at every gas station. Nothing. Other than the fast food joints, there wasn't a place around that even sold fountain drinks. They looked at us like we were crazy. "We have bottles. We have cans. What would you need fountain for?" It was strange. It could have also been the "kitty" ears on my head that caused them to look at us like we were crazy. hmmmm. We did stop at Johnny Rockets and got a couple milkshakes, Steve bought mine to thank me for walking with him.

I was able to watch the latest episodes of a show called "One Piece". It's an amazingly hilarious anime about a boy who wants to become the pirate king and he eats this special devils fruit that causes his body to stretch like crazy. It's so much fun.

The costumes were fabulous. I saw characters from many of my favorite anime. There were also quite a few nintendo characters and final fantasy characters. The skits were so much better this year than they have been in the past two years. I tried posting some but it is true that they are better in person than as youtube video's.

Fanime is a magical place of anime shows, costumes, fun panels, stores, local artists and so much more. I had planned on taking this year off, but Steve bought my ticket. I am so glad I went this year.

28 May 2010

Back in Business we go again. I'm back online and hopefully back in business. This past while back has been insane crazy with finding a job, working full time, school full time, side jobs, homework, sometimes church, friends, sleep and who knows what else. It's great to be back online. I have just started getting back into facebook this past week. I'm hoping I don't get addicted again like I was. As for my blog, well I wish to keep this going. I may turn it into a once a week posting and see how that goes. This is simply the introductory post and has no real substance. Next week will be my fanime post. Then we will go from there.

I would like to say this though......FINALS ARE OVER!!!!!! Although, from a book I am reading, it's not the destination, it's the journey". Which means that I should not sit around in class waiting for finals to come and be over, but I should enjoy each and every day I have the privileged to be in school. I enjoy school so hopefully that one shouldn't be too hard, especially since my next class is a "FICTION WORKSHOP" I am so excited.

19 February 2010

Men of Worth

I told a number of people, not everyone but anyone I was in contact with for the past week, that I was going to a concert with my grandma tonight. My parents also came. The band is called "Men of Worth", there are two men, one is Scottish and the other Irish. They play Celtic and folk music and have been doing so for the past 25 years.

I recommend them to anyone. My family bought a couple of their Cd's. I would have but I'm trying to be smart with my money and not spend what I really don't have.

If you like Celtic and folk then you will love them. They are funny, traditional and have amazing voices and musical talent. If you don't but like trying new things, they are good to try out.

I saw them at the Benicia Historical Museum. It is a lovely place with an amazing Boy Scouts museum. They have all sorts of things from the beginning of scouts in the area and through history. They have a large collection of manuals, patches and other historical items. Also, there is a beautiful backyard area with a fountain and garden. It was lovely. The concert had a packed house but we were over an hour early so we got the best seats in the house. And, thanks to my Grammy's handicap parking, we also had the best parking space.

I don't know if I can but I'll try on Sunday to borrow the Cd's and post a couple songs here. If not, I will post them on facebook and you will simply have to check there to get a taste of the music.

18 February 2010

It's Just Too Easy (conclusion)

Her chin rested on the knees of her blue jeans.  "I know, but you don't."  A forlorn sound echoed in her voice, lost and sad. 

"How would you know that?" Aaron grumbled as he sat up to lean his back against the wall. He was hungry and there was food sitting right in front of him. It filled the air with salt, yeast and over-greased meat. A smell to bring anyone running and panting for a taste. It was the savory flavor of bad for you food that makes your mouth water. He opened the wrapper and attacked the first burger he grabbed out of the magical bag of delicacies.

"I've been watching you." She immediately held up her hands as he glared at her, "Not in the creepy stalker way. I mean I've followed you for the past couple years that you've been traveling."

"Oh and that's not like a stalker at all." He grumbled through a mouthful of fries.

"It's not when it's for research."

Images of test animals in cages appeared in Aaron's mind. He did not like the sound of that. He was nobody's Guinna pig. Then a new image appeared, one that interested him a lot more. It was a facility out on an island, but not filled with lab coats and crazy scientists. This image made him think of a training grounds. It could be a new experience, but how was he to know that this was real. A slight breeze brushed along the island sand. The image was so vivid it was as if he was already there. Seagulls called from mountain cliffs searching for food for their young. Aaron's bare feet carried him across warm, tropical sand. There was a melody in the air so peaceful, so calming. The sound of children laughing came from somewhere in the trees. This was a place he could stay forever. Someone was roasting a pig, he could smell the delicious pork. There was also the scent of fresh tropical fruits ripe and ready for the picking. "Yes." He said to himself, "This is where I want to be. A safe place where I can find peace at last."

"You ok?" Came a concerned voice from somewhere in the heavens.

Was he ok? He was more than ok, he had never felt better. All of his life, as far back as he could remember, he had been running. There was never a moments peace. At first it had seemed like everything was going to work out. His mother was sweet and understanding. She didn't know why her son was different but she protected him as a mother lion would protect her cub. When the other kids became vicious, she pulled him out of public school. When his father tried to kill him, she took him far away, moving west as far as they could go. The move had not been good for her. She got sick, very sick. He was only 9 at the time and didn't understand what was going on. He knew how to help her and would get whatever medicines he could. Things would simply come to his mind and he would know what she needed. The problem was that he also knew that she was going to die. She only lived a few months after that, and then he was on his own. People don't like when you're different. They can be cruel and distrusting. Aaron learned that the easiest way to deal with people was to avoid them. That worked well for the past two years, until today.

"I can't read your mind. Dude? Guy? Person? I don't know your name. Are you alright?"

Blinking back to reality Aaron smiled for the first time in years. "I'm more then alright. I feel..." What could he say? Great sounded to common. Peaceful wasn't the right word either. There was a whirl of emotions from happy to calm to ecstatic. How could he even begin to describe how he was feeling?

"I know you may already know this but I was wondering if you would like to come with me. I can make sure you never have to run again." She smiled sweetly, "I know it's hard, as I said before, I've been watching you. You are not the only one who is..." she paused, as if unsure of the right word to use, "different. There are others. I had to be sure before I approached you. If you come with me you will never have to run again."

She made so much sense and she was cute too. He didn't even have to think about it, he simply held out his hand in agreement. She smiled and shook his hand.

"I'm glad you're coming willingly." She smiled innocently as he felt a needle puncture his wrist. Immediately he felt the effects of some type of drug, collapsing to the ground. Everything went black, but even in the blackness he could still hear the sounds of music. He could still smell the roasting pig. Paradise. That was what she promised. She had known of his ability. Of course she would have, she'd been tracking him for over 2 years.

When he awoke, he was behind bars in some type of lab. The same lab he had seen the first time, before the beach scene became so overwhelming. There were others, in similar cages. Some were yelling, some crying, but most sat back with a look of deep sadness in their eyes. Those were the ones that knew their fate and accepted it. The light was gone from their eyes. They would never fight even if freed and given the chance. Aaron would not let them break him. He knew this place. Actually, he knew everything. The dream had been compelling but he knew it was fake. Just as he knew that there was a hidden hole connected to his cell. An opening that was so well hidden his captives had never found it. It was a hole that connected to an underground tunnel. A tunnel he could use to escape at anytime. He knew he would escape, without any problems. He didn't know how he knew, but he knew. These things just came to him. They knew that he knew things. What they didn't know was how much he actually knew.


17 February 2010

Not enough time in the day

So death to me. I have excuses though, as to why I can not post the story conclusion today but must post it tomorrow.

I've been having trouble with my breathing.
I was not near a computer at all today.
I have it all finished, it just needs to be typed.
Work is taking more time than I expected.
I went to the Temple with friends.
I had to deposit a check and buy necessities.

Can't think of anything else. Today was wonderful. I saw so many people I knew and got to talk with one of my really good friends. I have been able to help a friend with rides too and from work and I have done pretty well on keeping up with my homework and such. I enjoy my job and other than missing this post, life has been going pretty well so far.

Oh and I decided not to move to Crescent City. It's been my plan for so long, but I'll have to share the details later.

16 February 2010

Tuesday will be different

I had a great post prepared today about how everyone has the light of Christ and that is a particle of faith that we can choose to exercise or ignore, depending on our choices. How God can touch anyone's heart, you don't have to be smart, logical, speak same language, etc. There are no requirements, God can touch anyone and allow them to feel something extraordinary. Not everyone moves at the same spiritual pace and that it is alright. It took Brigham Young 3 years to be baptized. There was so much more. I wanted to share everything that I felt today, but I know it is not possible. Also, as I was preparing what I wanted to write I came to a realization. Spiritual experiences are not something to be published widely at least not in the sense that I am building my blog for. Eventually I am working so that this blog is a story blog and that everyday I post a part of a story. That is a work in progress and I'm not ready for that kind of commitment. So, I have a week to decide what I want this day to be. It can be poetry, movie or book quotes, tales from work or something. I'll have that figured out preferably before next Tuesday.

So I will end this post with a bad joke and a preview of the story I will be starting on Saturday.

"Does _______ (enter least favorite politician here) wear boxers or briefs?" "Depends"

INTO THE DEPTHS (sneak peak)

"Shep?" There was no answer, Jim was starting to get worried. Shep was in charge of everything and Jim hadn't seen him for over an hour. Jim had no idea how far below the surface they had gone. The water pressure had to be high. If anything went wrong they would probably die before they could have the chance to drown. "Shep?" Jim called desperately. Why wouldn't he answer? Could...

"Here. I'm here stupid. Stop your hollerin' and yellin'. It's not like you're dying." There was a pause, then a crash of metal followed by a barely audible curse. "You're not dyin', are ya?" Shep asked quizzically.

15 February 2010


Well this cool fact is courtesy of my astronomy class, I just found this so interesting.

If you lived in Antarctica you would have the opportunity to experience some unique happenings.

One thing is that no matter where you are or where the wind comes from, it will always be blowing from the north.

There is the 200 degree club.  These are people who will hang out in a sauna for a bit, then they will step outside into the cold.  This causes their body to go through a 200˚ difference. To do this they do have to have one very important piece of clothing, and it's not the kind that you're thinking of.  They need a cloth to cover their face so that they do not "frost" their lungs.  I have no idea how these people do not kill themselves doing this but apparently it's a great adrenaline rush.

You would have to eat at least 7,000 calories a day to NOT lose weight.  Need a weight loss program, move to Antarctica for 6 months.

If you go to the geographic south pole on New Years Eve and walk in a circle you can experience the New Year in all time zones.

Those were some interesting facts I learned and now to end today with a badly told joke:

It's a good thing Microsoft doesn't make a car - it would go 100 miles an hour and then all of a sudden shut down for no reason and need to be rebooted.  It's a good thing Apple doesn't either - their car would only drive on 5% of the road.

"Be careful how you choose your words for they may be your last."  Until tomorrow, have a wonderful day/evening/whatever. 

14 February 2010

Pillow Fight

Looks like I'm going to have to change things up a bit.  I am switching today with Wednesday so I can post this update with an interesting thing I ran into today.  Then on Wednesday I will post the conclusion to the latest story I've been working on.

So today I was in San Fransisco with my sister, her boyfriend and our friend Steve.  I was going to take the ferry home but missed the boat.  I wouldn't have missed the boat if we hadn't tried to have dinner at Johnny Rockets first.  That was a fiasco seeing as we were trying for a sit down but it was so crowded that by the time we got our food we had to take it to go.  Even then, I missed the boat.  So I had to walk 2 miles to get to the ferry terminal where the bus would be stopping.  The good thing is, the ticket I bought worked for both the ferry and the bus.  As I was walking from pier 41 Steve caught up with me.  He decided to walk with me and then would walk back to the hotel after I was on the bus.  While we were walking we passed a group of teenagers carrying generic white pillows.  We figured that there was probably a sleep over going on.  Then we passed more people carrying pillows.  They were people of different ages, all carrying white pillows.  Was there a protest for Valentines Day?  Was it a "massive" sleep over?  Was it coincidence?  Was it a joke and we were out of the loop?  After I got on the bus, as we were pulling out, the drive announced, "On you're left you will see a pillow fight."  Sure enough there were people hitting each other with pillows.  Then after the bus turned around I saw the plaza.  It was filled with a hoard of people all hitting each other with pillows.  There was fluff and feathers everywhere, so thick in some areas that it looked like snow.  I had to tell people.  I sent out a number of texts and then called my mom.  I asked her to google "Pillow" and "San Fransisco".  She did and came up with an event page.  Apparently there was an advertised event that anyone could come and join the pillow fight that would start at 6pm.  The only rule was that you could only hit people with a pillow if they were carrying a pillow themselves.  I then received a text from a friend of mine who told me that San Fransisco did this every Valentines Day and that it was a HUGE event.  I could definitely see it was quite the event.  It was random, funny, crazy and unique.  So unique in fact that I had to change up my days to post this blog today.

13 February 2010

It's just too easy pt 3

...Aaron's life just got a lot more complicated. At least, until he found a way to shake her off.

Aaron laid there, his head pillowed by nothing but concrete.  The girl had left as soon as he had opened his mouth to start answering her question.  It was almost as if she had known his answer.  Was it possible that she was like him?  No, he would have known if that was true.  She was simply smart and intuitive.  It was pointless to run or hide.  If she was going to find him anyways, then any effort would all be wasted. 

Aaron was not one to fight a losing battle.  He had lived his life by flying under the radar.  Life had no purpose other than simply existing.  That was good enough for him.  Being noticed always led to hatred, mobs and sometimes jail.  never again.  Avoiding people seemed the safest answer.

Not even thirty minutes, after she had left, passed before he heard her soft footsteps returning.  There was a smell of unhealthy grease in the air as a red and white paper bag was dropped by his head.  Aaron's stomach growled.

"Figured you were hungry.  Lookls like I was right."  She stated mater of factly.

Without moving or even opening his eyes, Aaron muttered.  "I never asked for anything.  I can feed myself, if I so choose."

The girl plopped down on the other side of the alley.  She pulled her legs close to her chest with her arms wrapped around.  Her chin rested on the knees of her blue jeans.  "I know, but you don't."  A forlorn sound echoed in her voice, lost and sad.  ~to be concluded~

12 February 2010


Some people have asked, what are some good books for light reading.  Well I have my biased being that I am in to fantasy, but I like a variety. 

So here are some recommendations...

  • Fantasy:
    • anything by Terry Brooks, especially "The Sword of Shannara" or "The Magic Kingdom For Sale/Sold" series.
    • His Majesty's Dragon by Naomi Novik - this series has some great historical background and it is an amazing piece of literature.
    • The Lightning Thief and other books by Rick Riordan - these are a good read for kids as well, probably ages 8 and up would be my guess.
  • Improving Self:
    • Secrets of the Millionaire Mind
    • Positive Discipline - good for people with kids or planning on having kids or working with kids.
    • Sometimes the Magic Works by Terry Brooks
    • How to Win Friends and Influence People
    • Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - still reading this but already I'm hooked
  • Sci-Fi
    • Anything by Ray Bradbury some of my favorites "The Martian Chronicles" and "Fahrenheit 451". Also, "1984" by George Orwell.
    • Orson Scott Card's "Ender's Game" series.  This is an amazing piece of literature, the authors writing is captivating and believable and simply sucks you in to the story.
  • Random Others
    • Runaway Jury by John Grisham
    • The Green Mile by Stephen King
I'm sure there are many others but these are the ones that really stick out in my mind.  It's great to have some recommendations to choose from, hope some of these captivate those of you who were needing a good read.

11 February 2010

Setting Goals

So last week I talked about perspective.  I left a challenge to make a list of what you believe makes you successful.  It can be physical, spiritual, emotional, thoughtful, etc...  I have been working on this and continue to reevaluate and revamp my list on what I believe it means to be successful.
The dictionary defines success as being:  "the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors."  Meaning you make an attempt at something and gain a favorable result, or, the result you were hoping for.

Now that success has been defined, my next step is to make goals.  What can I be doing now to achieve success?  Am I on the right path or are there things in my life I need to change?

Goal setting is important for many reasons.  If a person is having trouble feeling useful or bored, goal setting can help alleviate that.  The best way I have found to set goals is to follow this pattern.

  • First set the BIG goals.  That is pretty much the list of what is believed to be success.  So for example, having a lot of money or starting a family or anything else that may be on that list.
  • Next set yearly goals.  Realisitcally where would you see yourself in a year.
  • Then set monthly goals.  What can be achieved in a months time.
  • Last set weekly and daily goals.  I put these together because it is important to check on your goals at least once a week to see how you are doing.  That gives you the opportunity to fine tune the goals to fit your life.
The important thing is to not get frustrated.  If I end up looking at my weekly goals and find I haven't achieved much then I look at it and see if I need to change some things around to be more realistic and doable.  If I mess up one day or one week, it's ok.  I can start again the next week and move on from there.

Goal setting can be hard to do but it is so rewarding in the end.  I may sound like a hypocrite to those who know me, but I just pick myself up and "keep moving forward" as best as I can.  You never know, one of these days I may get it right.

10 February 2010

Organized? At least a little better.

I have now updated my blog to have a permanent text box at the top. This states what is going on for each day of the week. That way if someone is not interested in "cool facts", they simply have to avoid reading mondays blog. Or, if people are only interested in reading short stories and poetry, they make sure to only read on the weekends. This is simple, organized and now people have a way to contact me. It's nice, at least I hope it is.
In the past week I learned:
  • bunjie cords are a necessity to have in the trunk of your car
  • A wheelchair with foot rests does not fit in the same size place as one with out.
  • Astronomy is a fun science, as long as you have a good teacher.
  • Friends can be found in expected and unexpected places.
  • Keeping busy and productive help keep a person happier.
  • Movies are better with company.
  • A puzzle takes longer to put together when a person has a life.
  • Books on CD make any drive more fun and entertaining.
  • Talking a big talk is not the same as walking the walk.
  • In what seems like the darkest moment, sometimes the light does come.

09 February 2010

a blessing

I had an amazing experience today. Though I can not share all of it, I can put the basics. I have been going through some struggles. My mind was unstable and I could tell that I was spiraling in a negative direction. I was unable to stabilize my mind, my therapist helped a little, but it was not enough. I had been praying for help and advise from the Lord. Usually my dreams give me some insight, but not this time. This time the only dreams that came were scattered and nonsensical. I finally humbled myself to ask a couple gentlemen for a blessing. (A blessing is when two men who hold the authority given by God, lay their hands on a persons head and are able to act as a conduit for the Lord. They speak the words the Lord wants you to hear at that time and the spirit of the Lord gives you comfort). I received that blessing and the most amazing thing head cleared up. I was able to look at the world through opened eyes and understand so much. It's hard to describe except that I didn't have to fight to pay attention, I could remember things and I was able to speak clearly and be understood. It's been a while since I've been able to do that. My mind has now gone back to what passes for normal or how it usually is, but the memory is still there. Plus, it's not as bad. It's nice to know that the Lord is there. Everything will work out, somehow, someway...

08 February 2010

Invention with no Inventor

Well I don't know if this falls under the category of "cool fact", but it certainly is a random fact. Over the past week I was a part of a conversation that had to do with the brilliance of human's and their inventions. Things like the "light bulb", "postal service", "automobile", and "Internet". It was then brought to my attention that with all of these great inventions, we know who invented them. We even know a little bit of back story on some of these remembered individuals. Even with all of this there is one great invention in which we do not know where the idea came from or who came up with it. That is the invention of the "toilet". Or more specific, indoor plumbing, and running water. What we do know is that the Romans had plumbing in ancient Babalonia, using lead pipes. The word plumbing came from the latin word Plumbum, which means lead. As far as I can tell, that is the farthest back the invention of plumbing can be traced.

07 February 2010

It's Just Too Easy pt 2

...So there he sleeps, in an alley, alone and ignored.

"Hi", a high pitch chirp announced. There was a long silence, Aaron didn't look up from where he was laying. A small finger tapped the black woven beanie on top of his head.

"Hi", the voice said again, a little annoyed.

Aaron slowly leaned his head back, opening his eyes. At first, all he saw was the blurred halo of a face. Slowly he blinked a couple times. The face of a young girl cam into focus. He figured she could be anywhere between the ages of 12 and 14. Her mouse brown hair hung past her shoulders, brushing his cheek as she swayed back and forth. She was leaning over him, a look of mild concern on her face. If he had been a normal boy, he may have either snapped at her to mind her own business or asked her what she wanted. Instead, he simply stared at her.

He didn't have to concentrate all that hard to learn what she wanted. It simply came to him in his mind. 'She's worried about me, wants to buy me food and give me clothes. She has a good heart.' Aaron sighed, people with good hearts are always the hardest to deal with. Why couldn't she just leave him alone? 'She also has a lot of questions.' He thought, 'I hate questions.'

Without even thinking he mumbled, "no thanks. I'm not hungry and these cloths work just fine for now."

"I didn't say anything about that." She said suspiciously.

Aaron laid his head back on the concrete, his body stretched out next to the alley wall. Closing his eyes he thought, 'Here we go again.' Too much knowledge can get a person in a lot of trouble. That's the reason he was in his current predicament in the first place. It always started out innocent, but before you knew it, you were kicked out of another town or city or whatever.

"So do you?" She asked impatiently.

Aaron's eyes popped open. He studied her innocent face. 'She still wants to buy me food. She still has questions but...' His response came out more curt and bitter than he expected. "I already answered." He figured if he ignored her, she would go away. At least, he would have figured that, if he didn't already know.

The knowledge came to him in a rush of thoughts and images. 'She's not going to leave.' He concluded. 'If I don't go with her, she will bring food here. If I take off, she will search around until she finds me. She will find me.' He knew it. He didn't know HOW he knew, but as with everything else, he simply knew. Aaron's life just got a lot more complicated. At least, until he found a way to shake her off.

~to be continued~ (on Saturday)

06 February 2010

It's Just Too Easy

Aaron was a slender boy of 16. He looked malnourished. His cheeks were sunken in beneath eyes that were a dull blue, having lost their sparkle years ago. His pepper blond hair was shoulder length and scraggly. There was a shadow of an incoming beard, now 2 months in the making. It was easy to ignore him, passing by with out a thought. If someone happened to notice him in a worn Alan Jackson t-shirt and torn faded jeans he had acquired out of a dumpster somewhere, they would cross to the other side of the street, saying something like, "Another alcoholic bum", or "That's what drugs'll do to ya." Reading this you may begin to wonder what this youth had done to bring upon such a life. He didn't, not in the way you're thinking. You may even begin to feel sorry for him. Don't. Your pity and worry are fleeting. I know because day after day good people like you walk on the other side of the street to avoid being asked for money. You know it's true. Nevermind the fact that he would not ask. One look at him and people like you already think you know him. So there he sleeps, in an alley, alone and ignored.


~to be continued~

05 February 2010

Change of Mind

Actually, Friday is subject to change. I was in a hurry and all of the other subjects for the other days had simply fallen into place. I had "almost" a whole week worth of material. I didn't want to leave Friday blank, that would ruin having a plan and reason to write everyday. If people in my small but loyal audience have any suggestions about what subject they would like me to cover, please post them as a comment, send me an email, facebook, text or call.

I could make it "Random Fridays" in which I randomly share or write about what people want or I could call it "Question Fridays" or "Ask Me, Fridays" in which readers send me questions and I respond either in a serious or joking manner depending on the type of question. I just don't think I have the readership to keep up such a thing.

I am open for suggestions, ridicule, comments, jokes and statements.

04 February 2010

Change of Mindset

The first thing I want to cover is perspective. What makes a person successful? Is it a new car? Is it a lavish house? Is it spending large amounts of money every month? Is it a stable job? Is it making lots of money every month at a job? Is it having benefits? Is it the people around, such as friends and family? Is it doing the 'right' thing? Is it being in a stable relationship? Is it being single and happy? Is it being able to go to the movies or go out to eat regularly?

It's all of these things and none of them at the same time. First, being successful means something different to everyone. I can't speak for the entire population, but I can speak for myself. I have never really thought of myself as being successful and as such, I have never been successful. I always thought it would be nice to have money or a government job or a family or traveling, but I never really thought any of that would be true for me. In some aspects I still don't.

My change of mindset is not "I want to be a millionaire or have a lot of money". My change of mindset is a lot simpler than that. Here are the steps I am taking:

1) I want to look at my life and see where I am already a success.
2) I am making a positive list of my successes.
3) I am going to post that list where I will see it in the morning.

I am not setting goals. As an example, I am not saying, "I will have a lot of money now that I have decided that is my success". Whatever my belief in success may be, that is not the plan for this week. Next week I can work on goals. This week is about mindset. First I must feel good about myself and the things I have already done.

Try this sometime. You'd be surprised about how good this exercise can make you feel. Just remember, everyone has successes, sometimes you have to let go of your personal prejudices and criticisms to see it, but they are there.

03 February 2010

Organized Blog

So I have now organized how I'm going to run the blog.

Cool Fact Monday: Share some type of random fact I learned and expand.

Spiritual Tuesday: Share something uplifting and religious.

Update Wednesday: Basically a day that I share something going on in my life or something going on in the blog. A day to do stuff like this without interfering with the flow of things.

Future Thursday: Share things that interest me about mindset, goals, financial, and other aspects of life that can lead to a better future.

Ask Me Friday: A chance for me to share what you want. You send me a message with a question, comment, ridicule or whatever and then I will bring that up or address the issue on this day. (We shall see if I have the readership and response to support a once a week blog)

Short Story Weekend: I share a short story, starting Saturday. If the story ends on Saturday then Sunday I'll post a poem or uplifting thought. But, I like having Sunday open for a continuation of a longer story.

So, that's the plan and, as a wise person at church once said, "Join the AI and be robots like me."

02 February 2010

An Angel for me?

So, for now at least, I think Tuesday will be "spiritual tuesday". Here I will share different incites that I have learned either at church, on my own or at Institute (which is pretty much a Bible Study collage class that also include other scripture)

Alma 8:15 "Blessed art thou, Alma; therefore, lift up thy head and rejoice, for thou hast great cause to rejoice; for thou hast been faithful in keeping the commandments of God from the time which thou receivedst thy first message from him. Behold, I am he that delivered it unto you."

In this scripture this guy, Alma, is sad and discouraged and here comes an Angel to visit. How cool would that be, but then when you think about it this happens all the time. An angel could be a friend, family member or complete stranger that happens to be there at the right time and in the right place. This makes me think of a movie, "Almost an Angel" it's one of my favorite movies of all time but is really hard to find on dvd since it was never put out commercially.

The Lord prepares people to help us we may not know who, where or why. We may even think 'someone for me?' and shake our head disbelievingly. It's true. One of my favorite songs is "Gotta be Somebody" by Nickelback. We may not know it but the Lord prepares people and prepares us and "Somewhere out there", there is somebody being prepared for each of us to help us be the best people we can be.

The Adversary will take our flaws and magnify/ distort them. Either HE will make us believe that our flaws make us think we are worse then we really are or he makes them seem to be not that bad. Whenever we take our flaws to the extreme it is important to take a step back and evaluate. Is it really that bad? or, Is this something that is worse than I feel it is? Either way, it is good to avoid the extreme and simply try to live life as the best you that you can be. Enjoy life. Be happy. And do what you feel is right, what you truly feel in your heart.

01 February 2010

The answer

Today is my first try at "cool fact monday". Once a week, on monday, I will pull out a random fact I learned that week. This could be something I learned in class, heard on the radio, read in a book or wherever.

Today's cool fact comes from my astronomy teacher, Prof Smith. He was talking about rainbows and how the light hitting at 42 degree angle is what is needed to cause the effect of the rainbow. Then he went to say that "the answer to life, the universe, and everything" is really 42. He stated that in nature that number is everywhere. This number is fundamental in the makings of the universe.

So then I did some research on the internet and found this statement."Our galaxy weighs three times 10 to the power of 42kg - a number written as 3 followed by 42 zeroes" I'm not very good at math so I can't verify the accuracy of this statement but it sure sounds good to me.

So if you ever sit and wonder about your existence on this planet and what the answer to life and well, pretty much everything. Just relax and know that the answer is really 42 and that should clear everything up.

31 January 2010


Friends are special and important for everyone.
Sometimes you need a shoulder to cry on.
Sometimes you need someone to simply listen.
Sometimes you need to laugh.
Sometimes you need to be destracted.
Sometimes you need to do the listening.
Sometimes you need to watch a movie.
Sometimes you need to have fabulous homecooked food.
Sometimes you need a "poke" in the right direction.
Sometimes you need a warm body to fall asleep on.
Sometimes you need a friend.

There are many fabulous people in my life that are so important and special to me and I need them more than sometimes. I hope that everyone can have good friends in their life to lift them when their down and to be lifted. It's a two way street.

Today was be a friend day and it looks like the memo got out. =)

30 January 2010

Death of a dormouse


When I was a young girl, I had a pet. Not many young girls had pets of their own. There’d be family pets or pets that belonged to one of the parents. Boys would have pets. Albeit most mothers didn’t know half the pets their boys would keep in the house. Rats from under the floorboards, bugs out of the garden, frogs from a scum filled creek or marsh, snakes and even flies. Boys could have pets, but girls? Girls were pretty. They played with dolls and had tea parties. If they had a pet it would be a Poodle, Pomeranian or maybe a fluffy Persian cat. Not me. I got me a dormouse. My parents didn’t mind or at least my mother didn’t. She said it was good to broaden my horizons and try new things. A pet was an important responsibility that would teach me life lessons or something like that. I agreed with everything she said, anything to get me a pet. I named her Daisy, because that’s how she smelled. She was a beautiful flower of a mouse, with deep, beady black eyes. She was smart too. We did everything together. I would color or do my homework and Daisy would scamper back and forth watching me. She would follow the pencil with her nose, almost catlike. She helped me play the piano, even though she didn’t weigh enough to push down any of the keys. I’d even take her for walks in my jacket pocket. She loved being in my pocket. We could go in the kitchen, out to the market or even school and nobody would know she was there. My step-daddy never liked her though, I could tell. He never said anything, never yelled or nothin’. Sometimes he would even smile when Daisy’d do some neat trick or scamper up my arm. I didn’t know it then, but it was all an act. Secretly he’d been plotting a way to rid himself of my dormouse. Then one day momma found rat droppings near the flour. Well my Step-daddy ddin’t want no rodents getting’ into our food so he ran to the garage. When he came back, he was holdin’ some type of poison. Momma told him not to spray it out, but he didn’t listen. We had to leave the house for nearly the WHOLE day. I tried to find Daisy but my step-daddy’d already sprayed the house and we had to go NOW. Momma dragged me out kicken’ and screamen’, but she hauled me out anyways. That was when I heard the squeak. Daisy ran cross the living room to the door I was standing at and I picked her up right before Momma grabbed my elbow and yanked me out of the house. I didn’t notice until a few days later that Daisy was acting real strange. She wasn’t as fast or smart as she used to be. She’d even leave messes all over the place for me to clean up. You know, the type of messes people don’t like to talk about, the messes people make in the bathroom. Anyways, three days later she was dead. I yelled at my step-father, calling him every name I could think of. “Murderer!” I’d shout anytime I saw him. For weeks I followed him around, “You killed my mouse. You did it on purpose. You’re a filthy murderer.” Since that day, I cannot think of death, without thinking of that nasty guilt I shot at my step-father.


“Deaths dark door creaked daintily open in gradual progression. Defenses were down dispensing the desired response. She screamed. She cried. Nothing could deter the dauntingly despicable dread deaths daring entrance had deliberately caused. Distractedly she drew a breath dispersing dreadful thoughts. Daisy, her delicate delightful pet dormouse, died that day of a definitely deliberate predicament. Her despotic but daft stepfather had delivered deadly poison deceitfully delighting in dispatching destruction. Depression drowned her distracted mind dispatching disgust, distress and dreadful doubt. Despite diplomatic diligence designed to dispel despair, his exhausted declarations landed on deaf, disappointed ears. His decadent decorum was driving her daunting mind delirious. Despair caused debatable decision, from distinguished distress, to demonstrate deliberate disapproval of his devilish deed.”

29 January 2010

The incredible whining dog strikes again

So, today is another personal experience to do with the dog, "Tiny", that I am watching. This, now white, dog, which of course needs another bath, is now causing more trouble. This can be expected from a poodle the size of a football. Small dogs just love yapping and being trouble. Although, as mentioned before, this dog does not yap. He whines.

Periodically I take this "adorable" [roll eyes] little pup to see his "mommy". (By pup, I mean a dog that is now about 16 years of age but still leaps around like a little puppy.) Well the first couple times he was real good and gave his "mommy" kisses and cuddled with her. Then came the fateful time that I dropped him off to visit while I ran errands. When I came to pick him up, he was more excited to see me and couldn't wait to get out the door. His "mom" didn't seem to notice that he wasn't even coming to say goodbye to her. I quickly picked him up and put him on her lap, before she could notice that he was only staring at me and waiting to leave.

A couple days later I took him back to see her. Secretly I was hoping that the last time was a fluke. Nope. This time was worse. When I came to pick him up his "mom" said that all he did was stare at the door and whine for me to come back, instead of visiting with her. WHAT?!?!

I already knew that he was more attached to me than anyone else watching him or here at the house. I knew that. But....she was his "mom" and he had spent most of his life with her...and...and...

I resolved that this would have to stop. I decided to give him less attention and keep my house more like a kennel. Already he is hooked up on a leash when inside the house. I take him out regularly to do his business and feed him in the morning. He doesn't even sleep with me or in my room. He sleeps with my grandma. I did everything I could to create a more business relationship, instead of being a surrogate mom.

Then a few days later, I took him back to see his "mom". When I came to pick him up...

It was the same thing. It doesn't matter what I do. Whether I try or don't try he has decided to attach himself to me. Grammy feeds him treats and gives him more attention and is there all the time. You'd think that would matter, but to Tiny, it doesn't. So, like it or not, the incredible whining dog now thinks he is MY incredible whining dog. Apparently that won’t change until he is able to go home for good. After a few days of being with his mother and not seeing me, which he won’t unless she needs a dog sitter for a day or so sometime in the not so near future, he will be reaclimated to his house and his "mother".

I sure hope so...

28 January 2010

Time to get with the program

Soooooooooo.........I'm still fine tuning the details right now but I'm thinking of structuring my blog a little more.  So far it's been 5 days and I've posted a blog a day and so far I have posted 70 blogs since setting this up.  I'll be it they haven't all been substantial in content, but that will come with time.  Or it wont.  We shall see.

To add more structure to my blog I was thinking of having certain days set aside for a specific topic.  Now this is subject to change, but I would like to have a day set aside for short stories.  ~gasp~  I know, I know.  This is uncharted territory for me, but seeing as I am taking a literature class....well....I just got the inspiration while sitting in class.  Actually, I've got a whole wash of inspiration today it nearly knocked my socks off and sent my soul to fly around the world.  That type of thing used to be a daily, hourly, occurrence and then left.  Well now it's back and in full force. 

So I figured a weekend would be good for stories so I'm going to try Saturday.  Lets see how long this lasts.  Short Story Saturday, has a nice ring to it.  So be prepared to be dazzled with a poorly written but outstanding short story.

I'm also thinking of Cool Fact Monday to start the week off with some piece of useless but interesting information.  There will still be a couple days a week for personal stuff that nobody cares about, like the dog I'm watching, how life is going or something like that.  If I'm on the band wagon with my old stuff I may even set aside a day to post poetry, songs, stories or other things that I had written a long long time ago in a class room far away, or playground or maybe even a park.

So there it is, the one thing you can be sure about is that you can look forward to a story on Saturday and a random fact on Monday.  All the other days, random for now.

27 January 2010

Bad Poetry

Last night was a full night of half asleep, bad poetry.  I thought about and even planned on posting some here just for the sake of posting.  Then I realized just how much work this poetry needed just to even be a little comprehending.  I have about 10 pages of hand written crap all over my notebook.  I'm organizing to some degree.  I'm only partially cleaning up and then should be hopefully adding the poems to this blog at a later date.  Even so, it will still remain bad poetry, but it is still poetry.  I haven't written a poem since middle school. 

Interesting enough, after middle school, all I could write was songs.  Poems didn't flow for me, even though the songs could be read as poems.  Then, around 2004 or 2005 I lost my regular song inspiration and haven't felt it since.  Since then, I have been writing chapters to my books but then about a year ago I stopped even doing that.

Now, I have a goal to write a blog a day.  Apperantly my inspiration for poetry has returned, we shall see if the others return as well.

26 January 2010

Fifty plus jobs

Now it's over 60 jobs and counting.  Such is the state of our economy.  I was going to say "I've applied for over 100 jobs..." but that would be an exaggeration.  Now after applying to over 60 jobs I have now had a job interview.  In a few days I'll find out if I am still looking or if I've got something.

I have since learned that Job fairs are teeming with people.  There was an "open application" time slot for applebee's in Napa and over 50 people showed up to apply and interview.  This is a harsh world we are living in and it is only getting more so. 

Any employer putting up a "now hiring" sign not only gets a pick of the litter, but they get responses within seconds.  The competition is now in those applying for jobs.  No longer to bosses have to worry about hiring the wrong person, there are hundreds waiting with applications and resume's already turned in.  There are lots of people struggling out there and my heart goes to them. 

25 January 2010

The incredible Whining Dog

At times I will clean peoples houses, watch their kids and sometimes even care for their pets.  This is not really a financial venture, seeing as the people can't really afford more than a token payment for thanks.  But, it is enough when I am already doing nothing for the day.  Not to mention, helping people always gives me a good feeling, for some strange reason.

Well this is the tale of Tiny, a small poodle that I am caring for until his owner is able to do so.

When I received the dog he was a brown color with tufts of gray.  After I had him a week I bought some dog shampoo and gave him a bath.  now he is nearly all white.

The incredible thing about this dog is not the fact that he whines.  It's not because that whine is so high pitched it hurts the ears.  Or, the fact that his bark is just as high, causing you to want to cringe and escape the sound.  It is the fact that he doesn't stop.  He can do it all day and all night.  It doesn't matter.  He never gets tired.  Actually I saw him laying down, resting, and still whinning.

Of course he only whines when I am not there.  The problem is that I do need sleep, work and other things.  I can't just sit with him 24/7.  So, for the time being, I get to spend my days with the incredible whining dog.

He is a sweetheart, lovable, soft (after the bath), doesn't effect my allergies and such.  I can be patient with him, it's not his fault he's spoiled...!  I also take him for car rides which he really enjoys.

24 January 2010

In Memory of Mr. Bell

MSNBC Article Mon., Jan. 18, 2010

Taco Bell founder dies at age 86

Glen W. Bell launched Taco Bell in 1962 in Los Angeles area

Image: Glen W. Bell, Jr., founder of Taco BellGlen W. Bell, Jr.

RANCHO SANTA FE, Calif. - Glen W. Bell Jr., an entrepreneur best known as the founder of the Taco Bell chain, has died. He was 86.
Bell died Sunday at his home in Rancho Santa Fe, according to a statement posted Monday on the Taco Bell Web site.
The Irvine-based company did not release a cause of death.
"Glen Bell was a visionary and innovator in the restaurant industry, as well as a dedicated family man," Greg Creed, president of Taco Bell, said in the statement.
Bell launched his first restaurant, called Bell's Drive-In, in 1948 in San Bernardino after seeing the success of McDonald's. His restaurant sought to take advantage of Southern California's car culture by serving hamburgers and hot dogs through drive-in windows.
The World War II veteran next helped establish Taco Tias in Los Angeles, El Tacos in the Long Beach area, and Der Wienerschnitzel, a national hot dog chain.
Bell launched Taco Bell in 1962 in Downey after cutting ties with his business partners and quickly expanding around Los Angeles.
He sold the first Taco Bell franchise in 1964. In 1978, Bell sold his 868 Taco Bell restaurants to PepsiCo for $125 million in stock.
Taco Bell is now owned by Yum! Brands and is the largest Mexican fast-food chain in the nation, serving more than 36.8 million consumers each week in more than 5,600 U.S. locations.
Bell is survived by his wife, Martha, three sisters, two sons, a daughter and four grandchildren.
A private funeral is planned.

[I posted this late but I still wanted to have a little something for the guy who created Taco Bell]

20 January 2010

Fun on the road

This blog is in reminder of all the interesting things, crazy drivers and what not that is found on the road.  In a matter of a couple days I had enough experiences to fill many blogs, these are the highlights. 

First to start off on a good note I ran into two friendly cops on the same day.  One stopped to let me in when traffic was crazy.  At first I thought it was an alterior motive to more easily pull me over for something.  but it wasn't.  he smiled and waved later on when he passed me in the fast lane.  Then a different cop smiled and waved as I was getting out of my car in front of my house, it was the cop who had taken the report on my broken window a while back.  Then a day later I was out with my Grammy and she had me pull over next to a cop so she could tell him, "Thank you for what you do."  His mouth dropped open in shock and he didn't know what to say.

Of course there are the stupid or crazy drivers.  A truck decided to make a left turn across on coming traffic when the oncoming traffic was frighfully close.  As he moved I thought for sure he would get T-boned right in front of me.  It was close, a foot away from being hit by one car and an inch away from being hit by another car.  Stupid truck, a little patience and it wouldn't have been a life or death experience. 

Thoughts behind the reasoning of an agressive driver:  Once the driver takes their emotion to the next level, the adrenalin rush is too much.  They simply get worse.  Like a driver fighting like crazy to pass and get in front of another car, only to end up tailing a different car even though they have no intention of passing this second car.  They just ride the bumper.

How about a car that is getting off in the same spot where I am merging in.  It just comes over right next to me so I either get in an accident or slam my breaks.  After slamming my brakes there is no speed left to merge safely.  Having to wait for traffic to clear to merge.

Then there are the simple idiot drivers.  Not really hurting anything but doing things like this.  A truck that turns on it's left blinker so it can get over into the right lane, Across white solid lines as well.

And of course, I can't forget those really hungry individuals that just can't wait.  This car speeds up to get in front of me.  Weaves in and out of traffic, simply to make it to the Burger King drive thru 30 seconds faster than he would have.  Now that's what I call hungry.

In closing, I did find it interesting that in two days I saw both a Rhode Island liscence plate and a Florida.  (there were plenty of California, a few Oregon, some Utah and Arizona; but I see those all the time.)

14 January 2010

It's Gavin!!!!!!!!

My sister, Crystal, just had her baby.  A healthy 8lb baby boy named Gavin Mark Vanzeveren.  He has a full head of blond hair.  Crystal is doing well and on the mend and will be returning home in a few days.  I can't wait to come and visit her.  I love her so much!!!!!!

11 January 2010

I've forgotten how to fly

This is a post that I have been meaning to publish for (nearly two years? a year and a half? little over a year?) a really long time.  I have noticed that for me a really long time can be anywhere from a week to ten or more years back but it all feels like a really long time to me.  Go figure:

There are lots of things I have forgotten and not all of it is bad.  Actually the forgetting has made life a little different but because of the forgetting I can't remmeber how different.  Unless, I look at my journal entries.  Sometimes when I read my journal I wonder, "what was I thinking?" "How could I have believed that?" "Was I crazy?" "am I still crazy now?" "what is the truth and what is fiction?"

One of the things I had forgotten is how to fly.  I knew that feeling so well that I could feel the muscles on my back where wings could/should be.  I could close my eyes and feel the wind in my hair, feel my body floating, soaring, diving and flying.  I could feel the change in atmosphere as I tried to breath.  It was such a detailed vision I felt as if I had been able to fly in a previous life.  (of course the crazy part was that in that previous life I was a dragon but I'm not going to dwell too much on that part.)

Flying was second nature.  It was in my dreams.  It was in my daydreams.  It was one of my regular thoughts.  Then I gave all of that up for nearly two years.  I let it go.  I used my self control to stop the daydreams, stop the stories and stop the previous belief systems I held.  There are, I think, two times I faltered.  The first time I wrote down the ideas and story that came to my mind, sealed it up and locked it away.  I can't remember what I did the second time, but for the most part I did good. 

Coming home, I fell back into my dreams.  A part of me felt like I needed to let go but I didn't.  I couldn't.  This was my life, what would I be without my dreams?  Then a while ago (couple years? year?) I started seeking help.  I found people to talk to and they found different answers for me, that didn't really work.  I can't remember when it happend but I think it was pretty abrupt.  I think, one day, I simply woke up and had forgotten how to fly.  That was the first step.  I wrote many journal entries.  I tried to remember.  I tried to enter a world that I had created, but it didn't work.  I couldn't find the stories any more.

In reality, the stories were still there.  I still know the mechanics, the characters etc...but the reality is gone.  A part of me feels like I have fallen and shattered into a million pieces, the good thing is that the pieces are still all there.  Now I sit here and piece by piece, put the puzzle back together.  I'm glad I like puzzles so much.  So it all started with forgetting one thing, one very important part and that was 'how to fly'.  But that is the beginning of a new world and the chance to become a better person.

(now if I can just fulfill my goal and try to publish these darn stories lol)

03 January 2010

New Year

So many people have made resolutions for the new year.  I have never done this, to my knowledge.  I have always lived in the moment and never really planned for the future.  Some of that can be blamed on a chemical imbalance, some can be blamed on laziness and some can be blamed on bad luck.

I have been unstable for too many years and I have hated myself for that time.  I have imperfections that affect others and when they point them out I hate myself even more.  This is a pattern I have followed and when someone hates who they are they don't have the willpower to change.  So I stayed in this cycle of self loathing until I broke, snapped right in two.  I left everything I had been holding on to behind and decided to leave and go a completely different direction.  This to would have been self destructive if I hadn't met someone who gave me a reason to change, who made me feel like maybe I had a small piece of worth that was worth saving.  I feel like this person has stabilized me to some extent but still I have trouble making up my mind and going all "skitzo".  One day it's ok and the next I'm opposite.

For the new year I would like:
*to have a part time job (to achieve this I have been applying to at least one job every day)
*to find out where I stand religiously (to achieve this I am going to church, praying and reading scriptures)
*to clear out my debts (I have already made a plan and a part time job would clear all my debts in a year)
*to enter all my handwritten stories into my computer.

So, even though resolutions are selfish and all about me, I know that nothing will change unless a plan is made, goals are set up and daily goals are followed.