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Back online, though the quality can not be guaranteed yet, it may start out as random ramblings until I get a system up again.

questions, comments, ridicule, arguments, ideas and love can all be sent to:

30 April 2009

Cough Cough, Squeal...

Yea so all this stuff is going around about the deadly swine flu. [haha I read a friends blog that had pigs with wings, swine flew...] Anyways, right before I heard about all of this lock down and fear of travel, I came down sick. Yea, just minor body aches and congestion. Something I knew could get out of hand quick and become an infection if i wasn't careful.

Then I heard about this new deadly virus that's been going around. "Well, I'm glad I'm in America." or maybe, "That's sad. Good thing I don't have that." Then I got worse. Congestion, sneezing, body aches and small fever. Uh Oh!

Well the problem is, it feels like just the regular flu. Then I get a document from Tina in the email that states that it is just the flu. The only difference is that it is a rare strain of the flu. It was deadly in America the first time it showed up, [I forgot already but I think it said 1918 or something like that] Anyways, it will be just like the flu. It is deadly to those that the flu would be deadly too anyways. It is also deadly to 3rd world countries and those places that do not have the medical we do over here or do not have the vaccines and such.

So, yea, I'm sick. I got some sort of flu. Whether it's the "Swine Flu" or some other strain really doesn't matter since I plan on getting better soon anyways. I will just bundle up and take lots of sleepy flu medacine and sleep all day tomorrow. That should kick it, I hope, if not I will do the same thing on saturday. I will sleep the virus away!!!! HA HA HA

Here's a link to the article:,0,7349414,print.story

15 April 2009

Cluttered Room = Cluttered Mind

So my rooms been a super mess. It started out with one thing, which led to another and so on. I continued to say "I'll get to it later" and later never comes. I brought stuff inside from the shed because my things were getting moldy and lots of stuff had to be thrown out. I needed to save my books. Well one day I got caught in a compulsion. I ended up cleaning out all of my dvd's and putting them in an easy to carry cd holder and tossed out all of my dvd cases. Wow that made a big difference in cleaning up my room. Then I put my clothes away and got rid of anything I don't wear anymore. Then the shoes. I was on a roll. The cool thing was that as I simplified my life and got rid of things that are just there but don't do me any good, I was sad for a moment but my mind began to open. I could feel the spirit more, I could think better and I was just happier.

My room is now going back to a small form of dissaray and I find my mind doing the same. Cluttered room really does equal a scattered and cluttered mind. No wonder the Lord has counseled us to simplify our lives and to live within our means.

To Work or Not to Work

So after the no work blues I found that I could do so much good with my time. I uncluttered my room (see Cluttered room = cluttered mind), I started blogging again or at least planning what needed to be blogged, I read all of my emails and cleared out the inbox, I donated a bunch of stuff to Deseret, I got caught up on the gospel blog I am a member of (it is a great place to talk to people about the gospel, feel uplifted and even share your problems with others who understand, if interested I can send the link, I may post it on my facebook anyways.) I cleared out some more applications on facebook and got my puppy to champion level 7 and raced my car to be number 3 among my speed racing friends, I got caught up on my online comic strip, I went to a few activities and planned my lesson for The Mission Preparation class I teach, I went to the Temple a couple times, I slept in but only a little and spent time with my brothers, AND I got hooked on a free online dungeons and dragons type game called Revelation.

Wow, even when not working I guess I still am working. I don't have to worry about retirement becoming boring or event less. Thats a good thing.

Then I got a phone call from a very good friend who is going through a hard time. She wanted to know if I wanted to spend a full day with her and her children at the zoo. It was great fun and she was able to relax on her birthday while I helped keep tabs on the kids. I felt good and she talked with me. She said that her last nanny was fired (for obvious and also reasons that can not be disclosed, for privacy and such), that meant there was a vacant job opening. She said that she really needed a friend to help out bla blah blah,,,,,,,etc......Suffice to say, I took the job.

When I prayed it felt right. At first I was only on temporary for a couple days, but one thing led to another. I have always had problem saying no. I still have that problem. After a few times watching the kids, it started feeling wrong. I couldn't figure it out, I tried quitting, I tried talking to her. I tried a lot of things. Each time I was talked into working and each time she said she would make it work out, no matter what.

So I took the job and still and pondering the work, or not to work?

(so this is an old post that I never finished but I am trying to finish all half baked projects I've started over the years. Now things are different, I no longer work there....see the blog post titled "plans")

Should I Stay or Should I go....But it's the Temple

So some friends were going to the Temple on Saturday and I was going to do a service project instead. This project had been set up before the date for the Temple. Well I procrastinated and ended up not doing the service project. That gave me the choice, since I had already said I wasn't going to the Temple. Well I thought to myself the night before. "I'm not feeling well so I don't even know if I will get up in time." So I didn't mention anything to anyone. Then I just happened to wake up early, even though I was on the verge of not feeling well and exhaustion. I woke up with energy and everything. So then I decided to take a shower. Grandpa was in the bathroom and sometimes he can take hours just to get ready in the morning. It wasn't looking good and still I had told nobody of the possibility of going. Grandpa got out in record time and I showered. I was all dressed up and my dad asked "Where are you going?" I said, "I'm thinking of going to the Temple" He looked a little sad, "Oh, I thought you were going to be home." I looked at him, "Why?" I asked. He shrugged, "I was hoping to play games together." "Oh" I said. It was a tempting offer, I thought it over but then he said, "The Temple is a good decision." I nodded, "Yes it is. Maybe we can play games another time." My mother, who was going, was running late. This was a blessing because I was ready at the same time she was. I was out the door and got in the car. "Where are you going?" She asked. "Why to the Temple of course." She just looked shocked and then we went. It was a great decision even if my emotions were all crazy that day. The Temple can't always fix everything but it is still a good choice to make. When I die will the Lord ask, "What level did you get your character too on Revelation." or "How far did you get on Revelation." I don't even know if he'll ask "How many times did you go to the Temple?" I think He will ask something like, "How many people did you help?" "How did you build relationships with your family?" "Did you care enough for people to give them the opportunity to make the same covenants you have already made?" These new questions can lead into going to the Temple, serving others, sharing the Gospel and other things we have been asked to do. It's not your actions, but the intent of your heart.

Should I stay or should I go? That is entirely up to you. It's the Love that matters.

The no work blues

My job ended earlier than expected. I was working one day and jobless the next. I sent a message to the agency and haven't heard from them. It must be a slow period with the economy and all. How will I pay my bills? What will I do with the extra time? Will I be slothful and lazy? Who knows but for today I'm singing the no work blues.

Who knows what the reason may be, only the Lord. I will trust in Him and see how my life goes.

(This is a post from a couple weeks ago, when I wasn't blogging and should have been)

My emotions and I: a learning experiance

hmmmmmm.......I can't remember where I was going with this one. I hadn't typed anything except for the title. Let me think.....oh! That's Right!!!

So I guess it's time for me to come out of the closet. Yea, I've been keeping a deep dark secret, even from myself. I have since seen a couple psychiatrists and at least a few different counselors. They have all come to the same conclusion. I have been diagnosed Bi-Polar. Yea, ok, so it may not be quite that serious but that is my diagnosis. A friend said that I may simply be Manic Depressive. Although, my psychiatrist said that I was simply a unique form of Bi-Polar. What ever the case, I am on medication....the good thing is it seems to be helping.

I feel more stable at times and I notice when I am caught in obsessive compulsions. Sometimes I can even stop the compulsions now. It's amazing. I am a better driver, or at least notice when I do something I shouldn't and then back off. I still go extreme high and low but now I feel more in control. I feel almost what it would be like, to be like other people. To not be considered strange and to not have to be so shy and quiet all of the time. It doesn't matter what others think, this is a lesson I am still learning.

Talks, Blogging and Teaching....sheesh

yea, so this is another one that I left blank. I kinda know what this one was about but because it's been so long, it's just going to be a short paraphrase, instead of a super long blog.

I have been so overwhelmed with trying to keep up with blogging, teaching a class at church, taking 15 units in college, working 3 full time days a week and now being called on to speak in a few different wards over the past 3 weeks. I can't believe that I keep up with all of this stuff. It makes me crazy tired but keeps me busy enough that I don't worry about the things I wish I was doing with my life. It's better to be depressed and so busy that you can't think straight, that to be depressed with time to brood on all of the things wrong with my life. The only downside to this life style is the regular hits of burnout that make me unable to do anything, sometimes for a few weeks at a time....but each time I think, "this time will be different", "I can do it. I can keep up this pace for the rest of my life".

The only stupid person is the one who does the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

I am working on breaking the cycle. It will take time but it will be worth it, especially if I can find a happy medium in my life.

No power means Late to Work??

Of course not. Not with my awesome Alarm Clock. It goes off even when the power is out. Although it's not the snappy radio station or the annoying alarm sound. It's just this soft, but it wont stop till you get up, cross the room and completley turn it off. No snooze for the no power alarm hahahaha.

Well with the power off, my grandpa couldn't see so he went to the bathroom on top of the toilet seat....eeeewwwww. I didn't know, becasue the light wouldn't work, so I lifted the seat up and heard "splash" I just knew what it was and sighed. Then the power came on, convenient. I cleaned up the bathroom and got on facebook real quick to check my messages. Then ran to take a shower and who do you think is in the bathroom???? Grandpa! ack! He never gets up before 9am until the day I have to leave about 8. So either I stink or I'm late to work. Whatever....that's my life.

13 April 2009

Facebook, School, Work and having a life...

Wow. So it has been a while since I posted. It's difficult on this piece of crap keyboard that doesn't always type the letters I do. So either I will just leave it and you will have to figure out the words with the missing letters or (more likely) I have to keep deleting and retyping the words. Argh!!!!!!!!!!!

Last I was on I stated how facebook had sapped my life away. So I took a break and then slowly integrated it back into my life. Problem is, that didn't work so well. It did it again. Ack! Stupid applications. I only have a puppy, farm, house, green patch, blue cove, kidnap and car. Then there are those surveys that tell you where you should live, what famous person you are like and when you will be married. Sheesh.....yea this is not working for me.....

So now I only have a puppy, which has my main attention and then I network. I send people messages and check my own. I chat with some people when we are online at the same time. But why should I focus so much attention on Facebook when there is a perfectly good free RPG game online? It's like Dungeon's and Dragon's but on the internet with tons of people. It's great.

Also, I am going to school. I do wish to pass my classes and at times this is looking to be an impossible task. I just keep plugging away and do the best I can. If I pass all of these classes this semester I will have, "an AA Degree in Literature and Arts" yea yea, it's a pansy degree but it will get me into BYU and they have a great english and esl and music program. Oh yea, I'll learn a lot...

Then there's work, that's another big thing. I was working three days a week, full time days, in Petaluma. Then I was going to school two days a week from 9am to 6pm. Then I was going to activities with the singles ward from 7pm to midnight a few times a week. Then I was doing homework, teaching the mission prep class and giving a talk in diff wards almost every sunday.

You wonder why I havn't been blogging and I could give you all of these excuses. Yes. My life has been extreamly busy and hard to handle. Yes, I have been exhausted and lacking for sleep. No, those are just excuses and no a reason at all. The real reason is I got lazy, I forgot, and then it was just too much trouble to get back into. At least until I got my butt kicked and realized that people actually read my nonsenss.....

12 April 2009

Coming to a blog near you:

(I posted this a few days ago and didn't realize until just now that I posted it in the wrong place so it wasn't even in my Well now it's here, late again. ~sigh~)

So I have a number of blogs that I need to get to, I have the continuation of my adventures with Taya, Julian and myself. I have the continuation of the troubles with facebook. I have the interesting life of giving talks, managing a blog and teaching a church class. I also have the unusual and unexpected life of myself and my emotions. I have the no work blues, which incudes some great insights. Should I stay or should I go.......but it's the temple. And now, to work or not to work. and last, Cluttered room / cluttered mind.

I am currently typing these up in word and was going to polish and post today and then got called into work last minute. Just as a small heads up, though more detail in the latter blog, I havn't been working for almost two weeks. Well last night I got a last min phone call asking if I would be able to work for this guy for a couple days. I can't say no, I need the money, so I dropped everything and I'm going in to work, which means no time to goof off or post blogs. You wanted substance so here it is, although I had a better into in the next blog I was planning on posting. I might just leave it there for the comedy =P

06 April 2009


Well, kelley, this one's for you. I told you I'd post something on my blog.....although i did say it would be a couple days ago, but better late than never.

My Post!!!