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Back online, though the quality can not be guaranteed yet, it may start out as random ramblings until I get a system up again.

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26 July 2009

A dry Sponge

A dry sponge is one that is always needing moisture, always needing something. I am like that sponge. There are times that I try to be other than I am but my nature is what it is. The good thing is that my obsessive nature is lost on most people and internal for the most part. The bad thing is that so much mental space is taken up trying to obsess over so many different things. It is actually quite exhausting.

My biggest obsession is...oh wait, this blog isn't about obsessions. There I go losing track. This is about being a sponge that always takes. I guess that would make me a very needy person. I can't be told, oh lets see, for example: "you're beautiful". If I'm told that once then I feel beautiful that once and then it goes away. To stick I would have to hear it all the time. Now I'm not saying that is what I have problems with (that would be too personal) actually I have been working on that one and have gotten a lot better, I no longer feel super ugly which is good.

This is no good because that puts pressure on anyone I spend time with to constantly be catering and putting their attention on me. Actually that kinda creeps me out too. So it's a lose / lose situation.

Someone I talked to said that if you don't get something as a kid that is necessary for sanity / survival, then you will be constantly be needing it as an adult. The sad thing is, I don't want to be needy. I want to be like everyone else in that aspect. To be able to live in society. To walk in the park and not worry about what I am doing wrong or what others are thinking or anything like that. To go to the store and only worry about what is needed at the store. You can wish for something but that doesn't make it true.

So in the end that creates me....a sponge. I know it must be exhausting for those of my friends who spend more than a few hours with me. They know. There are times that people need a break from me. Actually there are times I need a break from the world as well. I am working on it, on being more open, being more human. But that is what we are here on this earth to do. To work on our imperfections and be the best people we can be.

1 comment:

Kirsten (aka the Disneycoug) said...

I need the opposite now. Instead of a break, I need my Amy fix! Everyone always needs a break from people after awhile. Even those couples greatly in love every once in awhile need a girls night out or a guys night.

Anyway, sorry I wasn't able to hang out Saturday. I should hopefully have all the condo stuff done this week, and after my brother and his family come to visit Saturday and Sunday, I should have a lot more free time.