09 June 2009
A place for me and only me
Piece of mind, peace of heart. So much happens and yet so little does. I feel at loss, lost in the woods. I swim the ocean but there is no air. The pain inside, it comes and goes. I blame you, I blame me, I blame no one, for no one is to blame. Sadness, sometimes. Happiness, sometimes. Bitterness, maybe a little but it hides in the ground near the core of the earth. Pain, sometimes. Tears, sometimes. Freedom, definitely for without our emotions there is no true freedom. I am alone, I am surrounded. Life surprises, life is predicted. You bring light. You bring dark. I think of you often and not at all. I want my spirit to fly alone and free. I want my spirit to fly with him, but he doesn't exist. It's to late for him to exist. My world it crumbles, piece by piece. I lived there for so long, it has become me. My flesh it tears, wounds open, blood leaks out. I cry inside. I cry for my life, for my death, for my world that will never be again. It's too late now, too late to come here. It's too late to beg, to bring me home. I have no home. My mind is an empty shell filled with falsehoods and fantasies that tumble into space. I can start again. I can join your world, the world I had forsaken all those years ago. I can live as you live, but in the end it is still a fantasy. There is no truth, there is no peace, there is only today. There is only this time, beyond that is infinity. A world unknown, a new place to explore. I long for the new world, free from reality, free from pain and disability. I long for a place to belong, to be included, to be wanted. Now I find that it may exist. You have shown me a new light. A door has been opened, a door that shows possibilities. Now I venture out into the great unknown to find if this is really a place for me, a place like the one I left behind only real.