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Back online, though the quality can not be guaranteed yet, it may start out as random ramblings until I get a system up again.

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22 June 2009

This Sunday felt right

For those who read my blog you pretty much already know but for any new viewers there might be some shocking information, though not bad or what not, about me. So if you like the view you have of me, please do not read on, I enjoy staying good.

So, this Sunday felt right. It hasn't in a long time. The last time I went to church was a number of weeks ago and it felt completely wrong. I was on my knees praying for long periods at a time and pondering and soul searching. I couldn't understand why. As I prayed, I felt the peace of the Spirit come over me and I felt that it was not right for me at that time to be at church. I had burned myself out over too much on top of other reasons.

There I said it! I'm not on vacation and it has nothing to do with my lack of a vehicle. It was my own personal decision.

The interesting thing is that I felt the spirit today and it was beautiful. I try to do what I can to keep the spirit with me every day of my life. I do what I can to follow the Lord's teachings and I follow the promptings the Lord gives me through the Holy Ghost. I don't know about other Sundays, I will just keep praying, but it was good to be there yesterday.

I had an amazing time with old and new friends. We relaxed, chatted, ate, cuddled and played boardgames. Some people even thought it was a good idea to watch 'House' but we can't all be perfect.

It was an amazing day and for the first time I felt better about who I was as a person. The Lord wants us to be happy and yet for most of my life I have been in a spiral that went down into the depth of sorrow and destruction. It is a wonder I am still here today, but now I'm glad that I am. Feeling beautiful, special and finding my self esteem rise just a small fraction. No matter what I will never lose Sunday. There will be other days and other experiences and other lessons to learn. I know that and I am ready to stand on my own two feet and actually live in this world.

Kelley's cat, Widdles, is hilarious. She meows like crazy and talks to anyone who will listen. The only downside is that she does not pose for pictures. Luckily , Ally, the other cat, poses very nicely and just looks at you like, whatever. The only problem with cats is my allergies, but the good thing is that with the use of hand sanitizer, washing my hands and arms regularly and taking claratin at times, I have been able to surpass the allergies. It is the greatest feeling ever to be able to go to my friends houses and not have to leave after an hour because my eyes are so red and puffy and I'm sneezing every two seconds and having red bumps along my arms and hands. Sometimes I can even pet the cats, as long as I wash my hands after. =)

1 comment:

Kirsten (aka the Disneycoug) said...

I wonder if this has to do with the pressure we put ourselves in to do good and be the best we can be. Sometimes I think we're so wound up in doing what's right, and we often don't even realize it. And the Lord knows us best, and maybe he's letting you unwind a bit before hopefully telling you to go to church more often. Plus, while there are many great things about a singles ward, there's no question there's drama around them. And it's tough being single in general, but older twenty-something in particular - family ward members wonder why you're there, you should be enjoying the singles ward, and the singles wards around here are usually so young that it hits you sometimes you're hanging out with a bunch of 18 to 21 year olds (that struck me recently at volleyball, realizing that everyone on the court was at least ten years younger than me - thank goodness for Jill).